I don’t mean the kind where you organise your kids, your finances, watch tv and sleep next to each other.
I mean a real relationship that is being nourished, where you actually spend quality time with each other, have conversation outside of bills and renovations?
One where you connect over a glass or two of wine, wrestle each other, go on date nights, have great sex, stay up late in bed talking, actual FUN?
Do you want to?
Ryan and I have always prioritised our relationship, even when shit gets hard and we lack the time, the funds or the energy.
We always prioritise US.
Ryan and I both grew up and saw our parents separate. We vowed to ourselves and each other that we would put our relationship first.
Yes, that means before our kids.
Meaning we wouldn’t allow our time to slip away, for our lives to go by, living through and around our kids.
We will never settle for a good relationship, we want it to stand on its own in the realm of greatness.
We realized along time ago that we would not compromise on this, we would not allow our love and connection to fizzle and die.
And that meant going deep into our own personal shit and looking at what we each brought to the table in our relationship.
What triggers us.
What unconscious behaviors are ruling our actions or reactions.
What are our beliefs around relationships, ourselves and how could we unpack these, so we could come together in the now.
You see, most relationships I see are disconnected and surface level.
People fight, argue and have a need to be RIGHT, I know I operated from this place for a long time and when I’m tired I do revert to my automatic programming of not wanting to be wrong.
Not many people are willing to talk, to really open up in relationships because at the surface level of all relationships, men want to solve the woman’s problems and don’t like to talk about there on shit and women want to talk about their own shit and not take action to change the shit…
We don’t know how to meet each other at a new level of understanding, a new level of connection.
An understanding and connection that Ryan and I have in our relationship
One where you never take things PERSONALLY.
One where you always assume that other has your BEST interests at heart.
One where you openly talk and be vulnerable with each other, about how things make you feel or how something they did made you feel. And again not taking it personally. For we seek the truth, not the story that is created from conditioning.
We are all conditioned by our own experience, our childhood and society and every time we have an interaction, we see what someone else has done through our own experience. We make assumptions or stories based on that – this is where a lot of people go wrong.
They make assumptions about their partner that may or may not be true, allowing their emotions and story telling to take over.
This is where the REAL conversation piece comes into it. If you are not willing to ask your husband (without having already made up your mind) why he did what he did, without accusation, without judgement then you need to look at why you cant or aren’t willing to do this.
Why aren’t you openly communicating?
What are you scared of?
What are you worried about?
Why cant you or your partner look at this stuff, and I’m sorry not sorry if you aren’t willing to look at this stuff as a couple – you will never have a relationship that is out of this world amazing.
It takes work.
It takes time.
It takes looking at your own shit and owning it.
It takes asking yourself one very important question –
WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT MY RELATIONSHIP TO LOOK LIKE?
Mind blowing I know.
But most people don’t ask themselves this question and I think its because they feel they don’t have control over it – but gorgeous, you have everything in your life because you NEED it, because you ASKED for it.
So if you want to CHANGE it, you want something different, start doing and acting differently.
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