I know there is that feeling, when youre DEEP down in the pits of whatever challenge is going on for you right now – maybe its your weight loss challenge, maybe its your not sleeping baby, maybe its work, or maybe its feeling numb in your relationship –

Whatever it is, usually there is that feeling that its happening TO you…

That life is somehow fucking with you in a major way, like spite from some unseen god that is up there pulling the strings to make life feel hard.

I have felt like this a lot this past year. One of the reasons that Jett’s waking has been so hard on Stacey, is that he wouldn’t come to me at night time.

With Charlize, night times were a complete 50/50 affair. When she needed feeding it was Stace’s turn. When she woke to burp or fart or for whatever other reason, it was my turn. I always wanted to be involved and supportive in this part and so it was.

With Jett however, it was very different.

Not only did he not want me to comfort him at night, but he would physically resist me with pretty much all his little might!

He would scream, facepalm me, wriggle and squirm and basically spend the whole time pointing in the direction of our bedroom where he knew Stacey was. If he did fall asleep with me, I think mostly it was exhaustion not comfort.

Of course this made Stace’s life really hard, but was also been challenging for me.

Why wont my kid let me comfort him? Why does he push me away?

“Why hast thou forsaken me, oh lord??!!”

We had our first major shift with Jett’s sleep after seeing Ashja, a woman we have dubbed “The Baby Whisperer” for the instant shifts that she brought about in our life and night time routine.

The full story is long, but one of the things that came out of our sessions was that Jett didnt feel comforted by me, because I was unable to accept my own sensitive nature.

You see, even though I would go to Jett when he cried at night, even though I would pick him up, whisper soothing sounds or hum or sing or any of the 50 different things I tried to comfort him with –

INWARDLY, my feeling was different. Inwardly, it was more of a “get over it” or “toughen up” kind of energy.

Now i wouldn’t have considered myself one of those dad’s that expects my son to be tough. I’ve heard dad’s at the park tell their toddler to “toughen up” after a fall – thats not something I believe in or do.

But at the same time – I’ve always rejected or not liked to admit that I’M sensitive. It wasnt something that was encouraged or rewarded when I was a kid, but in truth –

Im sensitive to food.
Im sensitive to not getting enough sleep.
Im sensitive to peoples feelings.
Im sensitive to nature and the world around me.
And Im a really introspective thinker and sensitive to my thoughts and how people would react to them.

Im a sensitive dude!!

And I tried to cover this up to myself for years. Lifting heavy weights, getting big, muay thai and martial arts, training until I bled or vomited, working my ass to the bone – all in an effort to ignore this fact.

So when Jett cried, it was triggering a dislike of my OWN sensitive nature. I couldn’t accept it in me, and so I couldn’t accept it in him.

I had to love and accept that part of myself, so that Jett could feel loved and accepted himself.

Today our relationship is completely different. The level of love and connection between us is immeasurably more compared to what it was just a few months ago (thank you again Ashja!)

The point of all this is that for months and months I was silently – as well as NOT so silently – resisting the night time situation. I tried not to bitch about it, I worked on my mindset daily to not get dragged down by it. But truth is – I felt like that spiteful god in the sky was fucking with me!!

I realise now that the situation was 100% and totally happening FOR ME.

For my growth.

For my healing.

To deepen my love and connection with my son and the rest of my family.

No matter how hard it has been – I would do it again ten times over to gain what I have.

Whatever you are going through right now – whether you can see it or whether it is hidden from you –

It is happening FOR you. There is a gift in it that can be had, if you can just let yourself see it… A lesson or a learning that will take life to new levels.

Step through the resistance to what is and ask yourself what lesson or the gift is there waiting for you.

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