Six weeks passed in no time, I had my doctors visit and she told me that it was fine to start having sex again.
I wasn’t even in the right head space to even consider getting all hanky panky, let alone how my body was feeling, looking and acting… Strange shit happens to the body after you squeeze a human out of it!
What was she saying… Have sex! Pfft… piss off!
Let’s not even discuss the trauma my Vjj has experienced, how the hell is she ready for this?
It’s simple she is just NOT ready for anything to be near her! She is off limits!
I put it to the back of my mind and let my subconscious take care of making me totally unsexable (so not a word, but I’m running with it). I started doing things like, putting my pyjamas on early, meaning by the time Ryan got home from work. Wearing my ‘big undies’ so there was no chance in hell he would find me sexy.
Hell, I didn’t feel one bit sexy or slightly up for doing ‘it’. My favourite one was letting my bush grow nice and long, so in my mind I was in no state physically to even try engage in, the much awaited fornication.
I like to call this the sexual sabotage stage.
Oh, on a side note how do all males even know that it’s a six weeks from having baby to when we can jump back in the sack and start rolling around? This is the only thing that EVERY male seems to be highly educated on!
Totally baffles me… NOT!
Ok so let’s fast forward to the first time – Don’t worry I’m not going to go into details here but OH MY FUCKING GOD, the pain that I experienced was horrendous. Let me tell you it was over before it began! I was scrambling for the hills, it wasn’t even this bad losing my virginity!
At this point my head was spinning with thoughts. ‘I can NEVER do that again’, ‘how am I going to tell Ryan that sex is not apart of our relationship any more?’ ‘Do I just hide in my pyjamas all day long?!’
It was a real confidence blow. Big undies were back in the game!
I felt worried that I was never going to be able to face doing ‘the biz’ ever again… I mean sex isn’t everything but, I do feel it is a healthy part of our relationship. I mean, who am I kidding, once we get going I love it!
So I casually bought up the subject, totally out of the blue…
I had got myself as nervous as a school girl going to her first ball, I ended up blurting it out in one long rambling sentence and got all tongue tied.
After the initial stumble for words, we spoke about what I was going through, how I felt in my body and the tricks they were happening in my head. The interesting part is, there is another side to the story… What he was experiencing as the male counter part in this journey. He had he’s own worries and concerns. He was completely understanding and we were able to move forward and work on this together. Foreplay became our friend! haha
My doctor did suggested a few glasses of red, but unfortunately I was breast feeding.
As a Mum, a female, I want you to speak about the unspoken. Say the things you are thinking.
Know that its ok for you to speak your truth.
If at first its not to your partner start with your girlfriends. I had this exact conversation the other day with mine and we were all in stitches laughing about what we had gone through.
And the biggest thing is to, remember you are not alone. Share your journey. Write it down, speak to your friends and your partner.
And enjoy it!